Friday, June 12, 2009

the first one is OFF

I have been off the "blog" lately. Not only have i not been posting--i haven't been reading either. It is amazing how every ones lives went on without me lurking into them. I have missed those updates on my friends. I have missed writing about those things that i have been doing and thinking--but before i could start my entry tonight i felt the need to "catch up" on others lives. As i was reading it really made me think about what i was going to write about anyway--just how quickly life moves and things change.

Today my oldest flew the coop--literally. As of a few minutes ago a large plane took off carrying my daughter to a part of the world i have never been.
I am happy for her but at the same time i am feeling a bit of jealousy and sadness. Jealous because i wish i was going--I love an adventure and am so glad she is getting one at this time in her life but am sad that i am not there to experience it with her. I hope she takes LOTS of great pictures and keeps a good journal so years from now she will remember the details....

As i was sending her off today i couldn't help but reflect on other milestones where i sent her off on new adventures. The first one came at 18 months when she went to nursery--. The first time i had to take her into nursery she cried. As soon as she thought i was out of earshot she quit crying. She wanted me to think that she needed me--but she didn't, she was fine...

Then my daughter became shy--painfully shy, as in "i won't even talk to my grandparents" kind of shy. I had no idea where she got that characteristic from--but she had it and it worried me. I was concerned how she would do when she went off to school. We went ahead and started her in kindergarten just after she turned 5, she said she wanted to go--so we let her. Letting the first one go is hard--especially when you think they need you--I soon found out, she didn't. Off she went without so much as a glance back at me. The only tears that were coming that day were from the corners of my eyes. She bounded into that kindergarten room with confidence--and a few days later when she had the opportunity to change classes she did it--again without any issues.

She has continually surprised me at how she handles new situations. In middle school when she was held back she really grew and blossomed. She gained confidence in meeting new friends.She always seems to make friend with those who are new or visiting. Somewhere along the line she has welcomed all into her "Box". Now that doesn't mean she likes to step out of it--she likes the safety of her box--she doesn't feel the need to venture out of the box just for the sake of adventure. Once again she is willingly embarking on another new situation and new friends. She is going into this adventure not knowing anyone--this whole thing is unfamiliar, and yet she is embracing this trip with a smile on her face and light in her eyes.
I can only imagine the experiences she will be having--all without me to see it transpire. Today as i hugged her goodbye she gave me that same confidence that she had in kindergarten
--the one that said
"I will be fine mom--and don't let the door hit you in the butt"
again i was the one left there standing as she went off...
without so much as a look back
with tears in my eyes
...some things don't change....

2 comments:

Kari Whiting said...

ok so its probably all the hormones raging right now but i was fighting back tears reading this post. i totally know that your talking about and mine just barely got to nursery. i'm gonna be a mess with school and trips without me present. i hate not being there when they enjoy life and i can't see it. i love your family and i'm glad i could be apart of your guys life!!!

middle age mormon mother said...

We love the fact that they are growing up, but ...

Oh, and by the way, welcome back!
I missed you.