Bad Dreams

Dreams....
We all have had them at one time or another
Dreams that seem so real that when we wake up we are left wondering if it really happened or not.
I have had dreams where i have had entire conversations with someone only to find out that i really had not....
And then there are those BAD dreams
the ones that leave you cold
wondering if there is any truth to what you dreamed.
I have enjoyed watching the show Medium, although if i had her "gift", I am not sure i would want to go to sleep at night. There is something about the idea of dreaming of the dead and their sad stories that would keep me awake at night.

I remember when i was little i would have a re-occurring dream or nightmare as the case would be--especially for a little kid. To this day i remember the dream--odd as it was. Growing up in Colorado we had storm drains that were open on the curb side of the road and i was always afraid that i would fall into them--so i would go out of my way to avoid them when i was awake, but in my dreams it was a different story. I would dream that there were tar monsters (i think it goes back to when they would resurface the roads in the summer) and they lived in these drains. If you rode your bike (or trike in my case) over them they would grab you, roll you up into a tar ball and bowl you down the hill we lived on. Now i don't remember if they lived in all the storm drains--only the one across the street--
I would wake up scared and it would stay with me--and it kept me on my side of the street--away from the storm drain, just in case there was any truth to this dream i had i didn't want to find out.

Another dream/nightmare i remember having was when i was in my early 20's and working at the wave pool. I would dream about work...that in itself was not so bad but me dreaming i was handcuffed to the grates in the deep end of the wave pool seemed a bit too real when i woke up. I would dream that when the waves would start i could almost get a breath of air when the wave would crest on the other side of me--the word was almost. I don't think it is a healthy thing for a lifeguard to dream about drowning--it creeped me out and seemed real enough that i would NOT go near those grates under any circumstance--EVER

So those are the bad dreams that i can remember--i know i have had others--like the naked at work dreams, or the being chased by a murderer, or the classic falling--but none of my dreams have ever come true--THANK GOODNESS--until now.....

I dreamed on Christmas day that my husbands company called him up and told him that they were coming by to pick up his car and that he no longer had a job--OOOOOHHH the chills when i woke up. It left me cold...wondering...and then i thought this is silly--Hubby has a job--it is Christmas--laugh it off--so i did. I even told my hubby--we laughed at it, because it was just a dream--RIGHT????

WRONG !!!

Little did i know when i shared my nightmare with my husband on Christmas that it would only take a few days for it to come to fruition. I was out shopping and doing returns today when i got a call from my hubby that put my heart in my stomach. He told me in a rather stern manner (which made me mad) "STOP SHOPPING AND QUIT SPENDING MONEY" were his exact words. I thought "what is his problem?" and i even said that--He then replied "They just called from work and are laying me off and coming to get the car" I had a huge pit in my stomach and those words stopped me in my tracks. It was so similar to my dream/nightmare i had had just a few days prior.

We have been in this boat before--in fact only a few months ago and i had no idea that we would be here again so quickly. My hubby is torqued and so am I. We feel betrayed. We were willing to be loyal to them but we see how it is now days--you really do need to look out for yourself and do what is best for you. I hate that attitude--it is so selfish--but before we commit to another company we are gonna want to make sure that they have our back as well....at least enough to give us a heads up or warning that things are not all rosy...

Speaking of roses...

Did i mention our anniversary is tomorrow?--for better or worse--and i guess this is just part of the worse we get to endure together. I know things can always get worser (not sure that is a word but it works for me) we are healthy, we have a roof over our heads, good kids and the support of each other--a job is doable--we will get through this together--now i only hope that i will have a good dream...one that has him getting a really GOOD job....
--SOON.

Get Away...a new found freedom

It goes without being said that I have been on a bit of a blog hiatus—even my non-blogging friend (although she has been known to read them on occasion) can tell me when my last entry was….yes it has indeed been awhile. Much has happened—mostly life has just been busy. I used to wonder when life would return to normal—I have since figured out that BUSY is my normal. I know it will not always be like this, that this is a phase that will pass but for now I am trying to enjoy every minute of it.

It is almost Christmas which means this year is coming to an end...quickly!
I used to love Christmas, the presents, the anticipation, all the decorating.
This year I have been wishing that Christmas came at a different time of year—
say, like June.
I don’t think I am near as busy in June, although it is much warmer that time of year which does not invoke the pictures of a white Christmas—not that it is ever an option living in Phoenix but others might miss it. My December finds every weekend occupied with sitting in gyms watching my children wrestle. It is fun. It is exciting and sometimes it is frustrating, but we love it. Sometimes I feel like we are sacrificing all the Christmas stuff in order to support them in their endeavors—that is why I am thinking June would be better—they are out of school and we need something to keep them busy.RIGHT?

When my kids were little many parents of teenagers would make the comment “You think you are busy now, just wait until they are in high school. I would think to myself, “really how much busier can it be?” I thought I was pretty busy chasing after kids, finding activities to occupy their time, and keeping them out of trouble. I am not sure when it actually changed, but it has. Now they find things to occupy their time, which often involves me driving or supporting them. I no longer control who they play with or choose to spend their time with. When they were little it felt like they were going to be little forever and I didn’t truly realize in the midst of all the daily life how quickly they would be growing up…..and leaving.(sorta)

I have yet to have one actually leave home, she is still hanging around and I love it. Having “older” kids is such a blessing. She has been able to step in and play the role of chauffer and person in charge (I dare say parent because the siblings don’t obey her like they do us) Years ago we had friends that were BYU alumni and they would often fly off to the games leaving their teenagers in charge. It seemed like such a foreign idea, the idea of packing up and leaving for a few days just on a whim? When they were little, the idea of running away sounded wonderful sometimes….but you can’t do that when they are little, somehow they can always find you…even if I was just hiding in the bathroom (not really hiding just with the door shut for a brief moment but they thought I was hiding) Getting away with the hubby involved planning even if it was just for a few hours let alone an evening.
My how things have changed.
Cell phones have helped immensely in the ability to get away. You can be out the door and down the block and still within reach. It was a liberating moment when we were able to go to the movies leaving the oldest in charge for a few hours. After that moment there was no looking back, we had transitioned into some new found freedoms with kids. Originally we limited the cooking, answering the phone and even opening the door to anyone. As they have gotten older and more competent those things have gone by the wayside. A few hours became long days, and finally overnight.

My husband was playing in a annual golf tournament and wanted me to attend with him. I started making arrangements for grandma to come over and stay overnight with the kids. My oldest stated “mom, we can take care of ourselves.” It got me thinking…..Hmmmmm. Could they? Would everything be fine? Then it came down to worse case scenario... we would only be 2 ½ hours away and the grandma’s were both in town, and one lives around the corner if they really needed anything fast. It was then decided that we could indeed embark on this new found freedom….and we have, with very little looking back. This weekend we decided that since I would be busy working on our actual anniversary that is coming up, that I would go with my hubby on his business trip to Vegas. We packed our bags, threw everything in the car and with a wave and a “see ya later” we were out the door and on our way enjoying our new found freedom. It is such a bittersweet feeling to know that you have reached the point in your life where your kids are capable of taking care of themselves and you are not necessary for their every need. It is bittersweet to know that in a few years there might not be anyone around to say “see ya” to…but for now I am going to appreciate those kids that are trustworthy and responsible enough to be left behind, and appreciate the cell phone so they can still call when they have a question, not that they need my answer but just the fact that they value it.