Bad Dreams

Dreams....
We all have had them at one time or another
Dreams that seem so real that when we wake up we are left wondering if it really happened or not.
I have had dreams where i have had entire conversations with someone only to find out that i really had not....
And then there are those BAD dreams
the ones that leave you cold
wondering if there is any truth to what you dreamed.
I have enjoyed watching the show Medium, although if i had her "gift", I am not sure i would want to go to sleep at night. There is something about the idea of dreaming of the dead and their sad stories that would keep me awake at night.

I remember when i was little i would have a re-occurring dream or nightmare as the case would be--especially for a little kid. To this day i remember the dream--odd as it was. Growing up in Colorado we had storm drains that were open on the curb side of the road and i was always afraid that i would fall into them--so i would go out of my way to avoid them when i was awake, but in my dreams it was a different story. I would dream that there were tar monsters (i think it goes back to when they would resurface the roads in the summer) and they lived in these drains. If you rode your bike (or trike in my case) over them they would grab you, roll you up into a tar ball and bowl you down the hill we lived on. Now i don't remember if they lived in all the storm drains--only the one across the street--
I would wake up scared and it would stay with me--and it kept me on my side of the street--away from the storm drain, just in case there was any truth to this dream i had i didn't want to find out.

Another dream/nightmare i remember having was when i was in my early 20's and working at the wave pool. I would dream about work...that in itself was not so bad but me dreaming i was handcuffed to the grates in the deep end of the wave pool seemed a bit too real when i woke up. I would dream that when the waves would start i could almost get a breath of air when the wave would crest on the other side of me--the word was almost. I don't think it is a healthy thing for a lifeguard to dream about drowning--it creeped me out and seemed real enough that i would NOT go near those grates under any circumstance--EVER

So those are the bad dreams that i can remember--i know i have had others--like the naked at work dreams, or the being chased by a murderer, or the classic falling--but none of my dreams have ever come true--THANK GOODNESS--until now.....

I dreamed on Christmas day that my husbands company called him up and told him that they were coming by to pick up his car and that he no longer had a job--OOOOOHHH the chills when i woke up. It left me cold...wondering...and then i thought this is silly--Hubby has a job--it is Christmas--laugh it off--so i did. I even told my hubby--we laughed at it, because it was just a dream--RIGHT????

WRONG !!!

Little did i know when i shared my nightmare with my husband on Christmas that it would only take a few days for it to come to fruition. I was out shopping and doing returns today when i got a call from my hubby that put my heart in my stomach. He told me in a rather stern manner (which made me mad) "STOP SHOPPING AND QUIT SPENDING MONEY" were his exact words. I thought "what is his problem?" and i even said that--He then replied "They just called from work and are laying me off and coming to get the car" I had a huge pit in my stomach and those words stopped me in my tracks. It was so similar to my dream/nightmare i had had just a few days prior.

We have been in this boat before--in fact only a few months ago and i had no idea that we would be here again so quickly. My hubby is torqued and so am I. We feel betrayed. We were willing to be loyal to them but we see how it is now days--you really do need to look out for yourself and do what is best for you. I hate that attitude--it is so selfish--but before we commit to another company we are gonna want to make sure that they have our back as well....at least enough to give us a heads up or warning that things are not all rosy...

Speaking of roses...

Did i mention our anniversary is tomorrow?--for better or worse--and i guess this is just part of the worse we get to endure together. I know things can always get worser (not sure that is a word but it works for me) we are healthy, we have a roof over our heads, good kids and the support of each other--a job is doable--we will get through this together--now i only hope that i will have a good dream...one that has him getting a really GOOD job....
--SOON.

Get Away...a new found freedom

It goes without being said that I have been on a bit of a blog hiatus—even my non-blogging friend (although she has been known to read them on occasion) can tell me when my last entry was….yes it has indeed been awhile. Much has happened—mostly life has just been busy. I used to wonder when life would return to normal—I have since figured out that BUSY is my normal. I know it will not always be like this, that this is a phase that will pass but for now I am trying to enjoy every minute of it.

It is almost Christmas which means this year is coming to an end...quickly!
I used to love Christmas, the presents, the anticipation, all the decorating.
This year I have been wishing that Christmas came at a different time of year—
say, like June.
I don’t think I am near as busy in June, although it is much warmer that time of year which does not invoke the pictures of a white Christmas—not that it is ever an option living in Phoenix but others might miss it. My December finds every weekend occupied with sitting in gyms watching my children wrestle. It is fun. It is exciting and sometimes it is frustrating, but we love it. Sometimes I feel like we are sacrificing all the Christmas stuff in order to support them in their endeavors—that is why I am thinking June would be better—they are out of school and we need something to keep them busy.RIGHT?

When my kids were little many parents of teenagers would make the comment “You think you are busy now, just wait until they are in high school. I would think to myself, “really how much busier can it be?” I thought I was pretty busy chasing after kids, finding activities to occupy their time, and keeping them out of trouble. I am not sure when it actually changed, but it has. Now they find things to occupy their time, which often involves me driving or supporting them. I no longer control who they play with or choose to spend their time with. When they were little it felt like they were going to be little forever and I didn’t truly realize in the midst of all the daily life how quickly they would be growing up…..and leaving.(sorta)

I have yet to have one actually leave home, she is still hanging around and I love it. Having “older” kids is such a blessing. She has been able to step in and play the role of chauffer and person in charge (I dare say parent because the siblings don’t obey her like they do us) Years ago we had friends that were BYU alumni and they would often fly off to the games leaving their teenagers in charge. It seemed like such a foreign idea, the idea of packing up and leaving for a few days just on a whim? When they were little, the idea of running away sounded wonderful sometimes….but you can’t do that when they are little, somehow they can always find you…even if I was just hiding in the bathroom (not really hiding just with the door shut for a brief moment but they thought I was hiding) Getting away with the hubby involved planning even if it was just for a few hours let alone an evening.
My how things have changed.
Cell phones have helped immensely in the ability to get away. You can be out the door and down the block and still within reach. It was a liberating moment when we were able to go to the movies leaving the oldest in charge for a few hours. After that moment there was no looking back, we had transitioned into some new found freedoms with kids. Originally we limited the cooking, answering the phone and even opening the door to anyone. As they have gotten older and more competent those things have gone by the wayside. A few hours became long days, and finally overnight.

My husband was playing in a annual golf tournament and wanted me to attend with him. I started making arrangements for grandma to come over and stay overnight with the kids. My oldest stated “mom, we can take care of ourselves.” It got me thinking…..Hmmmmm. Could they? Would everything be fine? Then it came down to worse case scenario... we would only be 2 ½ hours away and the grandma’s were both in town, and one lives around the corner if they really needed anything fast. It was then decided that we could indeed embark on this new found freedom….and we have, with very little looking back. This weekend we decided that since I would be busy working on our actual anniversary that is coming up, that I would go with my hubby on his business trip to Vegas. We packed our bags, threw everything in the car and with a wave and a “see ya later” we were out the door and on our way enjoying our new found freedom. It is such a bittersweet feeling to know that you have reached the point in your life where your kids are capable of taking care of themselves and you are not necessary for their every need. It is bittersweet to know that in a few years there might not be anyone around to say “see ya” to…but for now I am going to appreciate those kids that are trustworthy and responsible enough to be left behind, and appreciate the cell phone so they can still call when they have a question, not that they need my answer but just the fact that they value it.

Got Blood?

My son reached a milestone today. He gave his first pint of blood. It should have been a rather uneventful event, and for the most part, it was. The giving part went just fine. I suggested to him that he might want to take it easy at wrestling practice in the afternoon but he informed me that he was going to be giving in the morning and he would “BE FINE!” In his ever wise teenage wisdom what did I really know??? I am just the mom after all, not to mention having had life teaching experiences, especially when it has come to giving blood.

Years ago, I thought I was "fine" shortly after giving blood, and I jumped in the car and was off. Shortly there after, I felt the overcoming feeling of darkness over me. Luckily I was able to pull over before I actually did pass out, but it made for a scary afternoon (all before cell phones were available to contact someone) I explained this to him and told him he might be tired. Again his response was “I’ll be fine”, so I gave up trying to convince him otherwise, he sometimes can be a rather stubborn kid (I have NO idea where he gets that characteristic from)

I went to pick him up from wrestling practice that afternoon. He then informed me that prior to practice he had taken off the compression bandage that they had taped him up with after giving blood. He had felt fine and was working out with his partner when he noticed some blood on him. Blood in the wrestling room is not such an unusual thing, so he started looking at his partner thinking it was coming from him. It wasn’t. My son checked his nose—nope, wasn’t him either, or so he thought. Upon further examination he looked at his arm and in his words it was SPURTING. He told me, “Mom there was blood all over the mat and my shirt was covered in it.” He headed off to the trainers office where she had him dispose of his shirt treating it as a hazardous material. She got him taped up and told him to take it easy….he listened to her????

09/09/09

i feel like this date warrants something to be said
something profound
and yet....
I got nuthin'!
My brain is a void of anything notable or noteworthy
so instead you will get my ramblings
and even though i have nothing of real insight to say i do want it stated that i do know how to spell "nothing"....so onto my thoughts...all 9 of them to celebrate 9/9/09

1. Sometimes Taco Bell just tastes good--but not the second time around--
2. Why do i feel the need to have a glass of water at my bedside every night and yet i rarely ever drink it?
3. It is a good thing that gum doesn't really stay in your body for 7 years--i am a gum swallower--I try not to be--but i can't help it. I haven't checked to make sure it really does comes out but at this point if it didn't,the whole of my insides would be white gooey sticky stuff if that wives tale were true
4.I love the smell of a new bus--similar to a new car smell but on a much larger scale--(and i don't have to pay for it)although today a girl said that my new bus smelled like bologna and old leather--does that equate to new bus smell, I am not sure?
5. My kids just crack me up--they are growing into neat people...
6. With that being said about my kids why does their personal belief and reality of the moment differ so much when progress reports come out? And why am i the bad guy when i get upset about less than adequate grades
7. And on the similar subject--when did it become politically correct to give a kid an "E" instead of calling it what it is--an "F" as in "failing"--is an "E" supposed to make us feel better about the grade since it is one letter closer to a D?
8.I love to brush my teeth in the shower--feel like i can give them a much better scrub in there than over the sink--i don't know why--just do
9.i am sitting next to my youngest punk in dis-belief that he will be 8 years old tomorrow--why is this so hard to believe? In some ways it seems like we have been dealing with him and his issues F-O-R-E-V-E-R and that he has always been here--and then on the other hand his is still so young and learning new things. Just tonight he put on his pajama pants by himself--not a big deal for a "normal" 8 year old--but he is anything but "normal". In 8 short years he has made me stop and appreciate the little things--so many little things that i took for granted. Even with all his issues i am so thankful that he became the caboose for our family--

now that is notable, noteworthy and profound--and if i really wanted to i could ramble on for hours about this kid and the joy he gives me and our family, but i won't...I will save that for his birthday.

familiar smells

Years ago I was somewhere where they poised the question

"If you had to give up one of your senses which one would you give up?"

As i sat and pondered that question i could not really come up with one that i would willingly want to give up. Each one holds such an importance to me and while there are times i do take them for granted I am equally thankful that i have each one of them.

There is no way i would want to give up sight--I love to see the beauty and color around me--
Hearing allows you to communicate and hear the small soft sounds of nature--and touch....I love texture and am such a hands on person--one of my favorite things to do is make bread and feel it in my hands--or dig in the garden and run my hands through the soil. The there is Taste--uMMMMM--NO WAY--we all know how i love food--i would rather not eat than eat bad food--and taste goes with SMELL--when you can't smell, food it does not taste as good. Now there are times when you would prefer NOT to smell something but through smell it makes you aware of your surroundings. I have found that often smell is something that invokes memories. It is amazing how you associate certain smells with a place or a person or even the most random of memories...there was always a smell of evergreens at my grandmothers house--when i catch a whiff of that it brings back such a flood of memories. Some smells remind you of the Holidays--some remind you of a meal that was shared--and some remind you of when your children were little (those tend to be the smells we want to forget) and then when i am with my brothers there are smells that remind me of road trips-(again not the pleasant smell you really want to remember)

“Smell is a potent wizard

that transports you across thousands of miles

and all the years you have lived."

Helen Keller

Yesterday as I was driving I had the windows open and i caught a smell--the most random of memories came back with this smell. In my mind it was the smell of death...OK maybe that is an extreme description but allow me to explain--because in reflecting back and knowing me now i am surprised i even had anything to do with this. I am not one who likes reptiles, or fish or amphibians and even birds freak me out--i can swim in a lake or stream or ocean as long as i don't see what is swimming around me and especially if i NEVER come in contact with said animals--I do not like to touch fish unless it comes cleaned and filleted from the store. I can not or better spoken WILL NOT hold a snake,lizard or frogs--they just creep me out--I can look at them through glass but even then i am not getting too close--so with that being said I am shocked i had anything to do with tadpoles as a kid. We lived near a large open field that was great for bike riding and exploring and digging huge holes and when the rains came there was a pond and in this pond lived---you guessed it tadpoles. We (my little bro and I) filled and entire wagon full of tadpoles and brought it home. Did i not know that all those tadpoles would become frogs--did my mom have any clue that her backyard was going to be overtaken with hopping amphibians in a few short weeks? Or i should say would have been taken over if we hadn't gone on vacation...there is this thing called evaporation that doesn't bode well for a metal wagon filled with thousands of tadpoles....when we came home from vacation and went to check on our tadpoles and to see if any had mad the transformation to frog hood, we found instead there was this SMELL--the same smell i smelled yesterday--the one of dehydrated tadpoles caked on the inside of a wagon--I am pretty sure that was not exactly what i was smelling yesterday but boy did it brings back the memories of that carnage as a child. I remember that we never quite used that wagon again...there are certain smells that just don't come out--even when scrubbed many times....

“You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry, don't worry.
And be sure to smell
the flowers along the way.”
Walter Hagen

the second first day

How can it be the first if it is actually the second?
Rather deep question...
--it is all in the perspective--
especially the perspective of the parent...
I am the outsider
--the observer--
the watcher and document keeper
and more often than not
--the picture taker....
but not this year, that job was relegated to the hubby.
He sent the next wave of kids off to their first day of school
First was the son in middle school

and then this cute punk was off--he loves the structure that school brings
These boys are the bus riders of the family and while i love the fact that their transportation is provided, freeing a bit of time up for me--i do miss the opportunity to be confined with my young teen to talk. Somehow when you are in the confines of a car there seems to be more opportunity to just chat--seems like i can focus on them and not the 50million things going on around me.

Since i have to get little man out of school early several days a week for therapy I still get the chance to chat with him. Unfortunately since he does not speak in complete sentences, I usually end up carrying on the majority of the conversation--
which at first is exciting too him--thinking he doesn't actually have to talk
and then he realized that he won't get a word in anyway
I am hoping that eventually he will carry his end of the conversation....

If there were no schools
to take the children away from home
part of the time,
the insane asylums would be filled
with mothers.
~Edgar W. Howe

first day of HIGHSCHOOL

What can I say??? The summer has flown by and i have been too busy/tired to blog--where did the time go? Truly i don't know--i can't remember other years going by so fast. I have heard it said that as your kids get older time moves faster--AND IT DOES--so much faster.

So today is the FIRST of three "first day's of school" in our house this year. I will have 5 kids at 5 different schools--two in two different high schools that started today--two in the elementary district that starts tomorrow and then the newest addition is college. When did i get old enough to have a child in college--i will just pretend she is one of those really bright 12 year old (instead of 19) that way i won't seem so old--it's all perception anyway.

This also marks a milestone in that i wasn't here to see them off this year--It was sad to me that i missed taking the kids pictures--but their dad was here so he got the privilege of taking their pictures and running them around--just one of the joys of being unemployed.

Here is the newest freshman in our house--she recently gave 12inches to locks of love--hence the new short hair

she is the my third child to be starting highschool--I am over half way done with this milestone. She will be attending the same high school her sister just graduated from and will start swimming with the high school team this afternoon--just when you think you are free of something, you get sucked back in.

Then there is this cute punk
He is attending the same highschool his dad went to--which is a different one than the daughter
not only is he not really excited about the first day of school
but his birthday is also today--poor kid
who knew that having an early August birthday would have it coincide with the first day of school--he could get his license today--but isn't--he has some more to do with his eagle and nothing beats time and experience behind the wheel. Hard to believe he is halfway through high school and he will be a junior this year--

like I said earlier time really does move faster when your kids get older

"The only reason for time
is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”

Albert Einstein

the first one is OFF

I have been off the "blog" lately. Not only have i not been posting--i haven't been reading either. It is amazing how every ones lives went on without me lurking into them. I have missed those updates on my friends. I have missed writing about those things that i have been doing and thinking--but before i could start my entry tonight i felt the need to "catch up" on others lives. As i was reading it really made me think about what i was going to write about anyway--just how quickly life moves and things change.

Today my oldest flew the coop--literally. As of a few minutes ago a large plane took off carrying my daughter to a part of the world i have never been.

I am happy for her but at the same time i am feeling a bit of jealousy and sadness. Jealous because i wish i was going--I love an adventure and am so glad she is getting one at this time in her life but am sad that i am not there to experience it with her. I hope she takes LOTS of great pictures and keeps a good journal so years from now she will remember the details....

As i was sending her off today i couldn't help but reflect on other milestones where i sent her off on new adventures. The first one came at 18 months when she went to nursery--. The first time i had to take her into nursery she cried. As soon as she thought i was out of earshot she quit crying. She wanted me to think that she needed me--but she didn't, she was fine...

Then my daughter became shy--painfully shy, as in "i won't even talk to my grandparents" kind of shy. I had no idea where she got that characteristic from--but she had it and it worried me. I was concerned how she would do when she went off to school. We went ahead and started her in kindergarten just after she turned 5, she said she wanted to go--so we let her. Letting the first one go is hard--especially when you think they need you--I soon found out, she didn't. Off she went without so much as a glance back at me. The only tears that were coming that day were from the corners of my eyes. She bounded into that kindergarten room with confidence--and a few days later when she had the opportunity to change classes she did it--again without any issues.

She has continually surprised me at how she handles new situations. In middle school when she was held back she really grew and blossomed. She gained confidence in meeting new friends.She always seems to make friend with those who are new or visiting. Somewhere along the line she has welcomed all into her "Box". Now that doesn't mean she likes to step out of it--she likes the safety of her box--she doesn't feel the need to venture out of the box just for the sake of adventure. Once again she is willingly embarking on another new situation and new friends. She is going into this adventure not knowing anyone--this whole thing is unfamiliar, and yet she is embracing this trip with a smile on her face and light in her eyes.

I can only imagine the experiences she will be having--all without me to see it transpire. Today as i hugged her goodbye she gave me that same confidence that she had in kindergarten

--the one that said

"I will be fine mom--and don't let the door hit you in the butt"

again i was the one left there standing as she went off...

without so much as a look back

with tears in my eyes

...some things don't change....

good times with the grandparents

My daughter came in all buzzed tonight--
you could tell she had a good time.
"Guess what i ate?" She asked in her bubbly life is good attitude.
Knowing that she had been at her grandparents
i knew it must have been something yummy--
"Meatballs?" i said
"NOOOOO"she responded with indignation
--personally I thought it had been a good guess
"How about popcorn" (grandpa is known for mastering the proper amounts of real butter and salt to make a wonderful bowl of greasy goodness)
"NOPE--mom you are not very good at this guessing game"
Child, give me a break--the options are endless as to what you could have eaten--
she did take pity on me and gave me a clue
"It is something that you shouldn't eat because it might cause you to have a heart attack and since you already have a bad heart....."
"Could it have been Heart attack french toast?"
"YEP--and it was really good"
they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach--
they failed to mention that it works for grand kids as well....
Where will my children go when they need a snack this summer--
or someone to spoil them?
--it will be a long three months with the grandparents gone....

the bench

We are such creatures of habit--
I like the familiar the routine...
I do things the same way because it just "feels right"
When it comes to church on Sunday
I like to drive the same way--
park in the same area
enter in the same set of doors
and after many years we now have a bench.
We have found that in our building we do not fit on the side benches--
just too many of us and the butts are too big for all of us to fit on the side so we are relegated to the middle benches.
Somehow we have one that we have marked as "ours"
I don't know when it happened...it just did
Today when i came it my husband was already sitting down
and we were just one row back from our normal bench--
it felt weird--
first of all we were displacing the family that normally sat behind us
(at the time i did not know that they were not there today)
it had a different view--
just strange that's all....

As i was reflecting on my bench situation i realized that sooner than later we would be able to fit on a side bench. Our days of my whole family attending church together is limited--
my bench will be thinning out in the years to come.
I hadn't really thought about the fact as my children graduate that they also move onto another ward--a ward without their family sitting with them.
I remember other families with full benches not too long ago--
and now i see them sitting as empty Nester's...
Is this what i have to look forward to?
It won't be too many years before we can fit on the side bench again--
just another change...
another adjustment--
that i will be making before i know it.

bitter sweet transition

today was a day of transitions--
this was a day that i felt was far away
and now it is here.
Where did the time go--
did i blink? like the song says--
and years pass before i even realized it?
My middle child is now a high school freshman

just as i have one leaving another one starts-- and so the circle continues for the next few years--
in two years the next punk will be graduating and hopefully leaving on a mission shortly there after. and then the next two in tow...
moving all too quickly for my liking.
Was it only four short years ago i was discussing this day with my son just after i had dropped the oldest off for her first day of high school--I remember getting teary eyed at the idea of how quickly this time would fly and now here it is?!
Bittersweet transition....
something that we have been working towards...
I made the mistake and blinked
and now it leaves me with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart--

rain or shine it's graduation time

this week has been a blur--
one HOT blur--
until today that is.
We had eighth grade promotion this morning--

it was a lovely albeit cool morning--
a pleasant surprise given the last week or so of 100+ degree days
I was hoping that the cloud cover would stay around

so when it came time for graduation it would not be ridiculously hot--
MY WISH WAS GRANTED
the only problem was--
with that wish of cloud cover

came some side effects--
like in the form of RAIN--

When was the last time it actually rained in Arizona--
HMMMM--don't know and can't remember
it has been awhile....
We have had a dry spring
and because of the lack of rain

we haven't had alot blooming which i am thankful for.
It had been drizzling lightly

and then ten minutes before it was due to start

the heavens opened up and the rain came pouring down

and here came the graduates--i actually was able to pick out my daughter and her semi wavy hair (it had been curled but rain has the effect of straightening it) She was able to pick us out of the crowd and gave us a cute wave acknowledging the fact we were sitting in the rain
and then the graduation ceremony continued on--as if rain was an everyday occurrence.
Notice how wet the track is...Did the principal cut her talk short--UMMMM--NOOOO. She had to acknowledge all the important people by name that were sitting in the rain with the rest of us--at that point--WHO CARED?--Let's just get on with it already Finally the moment came of the actual diplomas being given came. There were teachers there to help the girls up the ramp
and teachers to help them down--lest they take a spill. Her anatomy/physiology teacher was there to help her down and gave her a bad time about wearing heels in the rain and she still managed to make it back to her seat in one piece-no worse for the wear just a tad bit wet as the case maybe. Maybe they should have been wearing rain panchos instead of gowns.

It is a good thing that with swimming for all those years she has practiced the wet look--and has it down--even looks cute....

her aunt and uncle braved the weather with us--they are half way done with their graduations-
last year their sons was moved inside because of the weather--who would think two years in a row that this would be an issue

and then come rain of shine grandma is always there for her grand kids

and finally both of us got in a picture together with our first born
--our first graduate.
Even without the rain--
this will soon be an evening that will NOT be forgotten

eighth grade promotion

This is an Arizona tradition I have never understood,
but i just go along with it.
I don't understand how or why it was ever started,
but for some reason they feel the need to continue on with this tradition.
I guess it had gotten out of hand many years ago with limos and expensive dresses and people making such a big deal out of it that they have tried to scale it down--
and scale it down they have....
right back into the classroom.
My other two that have "promoted" atleast they did it in the cafeteria--
and there was a stage and speeches....
about 30 minutes worth of a program...
This child got a speech read from the principal

and a very nice talk from her teacher on how to succeed in high school,
and it was said that the reason they were going to the small classroom situation was so they could give more personal attention to the students...
somehow we failed to see any of that actually transpire--
names were read and certificates were given with no mention of additional awards--like those given for grades
photo op's were limited...


we did manage to have her poise with each of us--just to let her know how proud we are of her.
Call us crazy but we expect our kids to go onto high school--we have never felt that a celebration was called for just because you completed 8th grade---
but we don't want to be the loser parents who don't show up when everyone else is there--but is it really worth taking work off for such an uneventful thing--for 15 minutes of being crammed into a hot classroom? I say "just do away with the whole thing"...but that is just my opinion...Although if they had done away with it, I would not have gotten this picture of her

Meet the newest McClintock freshman...doesn't look like an 8th grader anymore--
goodbye uniforms hello regular cute clothes....

Seminary graduation--just another excuse for a new dress

We went looking for a new dress for High School graduation....
and we found a basic black one and then this one in less than 30 minutes...
imagine our surprise when we found this cute number for cheap...
and the shoes to go with it for cheap also...
(sometimes i just love Ross)

The sweater she already had--it went perfect
The necklace was new--that was her graduation present...
My mother in law asked if it was real--as in diamonds....
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I love this child and all and am proud of her--
but she will have to find a sugar daddy
to buy her diamonds like that...

she liked how tall the shoes made her

she liked the fact that she was as tall as her dad
(which isn't that hard to do)

and i liked the fact that she could actually walk in them

for a child not always known for her grace--she has come a long way...
I love her air of confidence and sassy-ness...
and i love the fact that as i held my breath when she got her award
--that she did not trip with those tall shoes....
she continues to make me proud...

Seminary graduation

Another milestone moment of this week.
We had the opportunity to see my daughter receive acknowledgement for the four years of seminary attendance that she participated in.
What a blessing those four years have been.
I have seen her knowledge of the scriptures increase
and her testimony of the savior grow.
She has a good foundation of why she is here...
and her purpose on earth.
She has been taught the things that will bring her everlasting happiness--
she chose to graduate.
We did encourage her to fit seminary in her schedule--
but ultimately attending was her choice.
I know it gave her balance to her crazy high school days
and i am grateful for the time she spent out of the "world"
--even it was for only an hour a day.
I am grateful for her encouragement of daily scripture reading.
I know the things that she was taught will help her as she goes out in the world--
and that in times of trouble she will be able to reflect back on them,
and they will help her in making life's choices.
I am grateful and proud that she stuck it out--
saw it through
and chose to finish....

End of the year dread

Sometimes i feel a bit dense.
In my mind i know that something is going to occur--
and yet it doesn't seem real--
I know that this is the last week of school and yet i think i am in denial--
until today and for some reason it just hit me--
that it really IS the last week of school.
Not even the last week, we are actually down to just days...
It is not that i don't love having my kids home for summer vacation--
i totally enjoy the relaxed pace that summer brings--
i don't dig the heat that the summer brings but we have learned to adjust.
I think i dread the last week of school because all the routine we have know all year is over--
we have to re-adjust...
I think i dread the last week of school because that means another school year is over
which means my kids are advancing another year
they are getting older
they are moving on
and sometimes i just want time to stand still...
so i guess that is where my denial comes in--
if you don't acknowledge it--it doesn't happen...
Right?
Well maybe not--
at least in my mind it does slow down the process just a bit....

cat in the backyard

There are CAT people and there are DOG people
and a few can manage to love them both in harmony.
We are dog people...
cats are not even an option in our home.
I do not like cats that come into my yard--
or cats that creep along the top of my fence just to antagonize my dogs.
And i really DO NOT like the cats that choose to squeeze into my attic and have cat fights in the middle of the night--OHH...the screams....
and I really do not like the fact that a cat chose my attic to die in right before we went on vacation--leaving us a awful stench to come home to
(thank you dear hubby for taking care of the body removal)
With all that being said---when a cat decided to have kittens in our shed and abandon them--
i did bottle feed them and found them homes...
No animal deserves to be born just to starve to death--not even a cat.
If they would stay kittens i might consider liking them--
but they don't....
and some cats have just liked to terrorize me
But i am here to say that i was thrilled at this CAT in my yard

I think it is a TOM-CAT and he is welcome anytime he wants to make improvements

girlfriend time

I call it work--
and it is--

REALLY it is....

I promise that it is NOT all fun and games...

but fun and games are had when you are with the your girlfriend.

I love this part of my job--
the girlfriend time--

even though miles separate us normally
all is forgotten when we are together...
we just enjoy the moments for what they are
FLEETING

new bracelet

If you know me
you know i am not about the "bling".
When it comes to my jewelry i am a pretty simple girl
i like my bracelets--
jangling,fun bracelets.
While at the show this weekend a woman had some bracelets that she had made from old typewriter keys--very fun novel idea.
i found myself pulled to this one....

I loved the message
LIFE IS GOOD
I do believe that
especially that night---after i had lost my wallet with my ID and credit cards, cash, room key--my life essentially--I was in a panic--how was i going to get onto the plane? About the time when i was really stressed i found out that it had been turned into the hotel front desk--with everything still intact--cash and all.
LIFE WAS GOOD--i believe that more know than ever, and am so grateful that i now have something to remind me of that fact
Then upon closer examination i had to laugh
for the typewriter key that was chosen before the word good

i guess on some days life IS only 1/4 good--but that is still good, and then those days it can be 1/2 good---I guess they don't make a 100% key and that is not very realistic anyway--i will take this bracelet and cherish it and the memories that surround it--

LIFE IS GOOD--just one more thing to remind me of the fact

I think the next bracelet will say SO BLESSED....

Oh funny story--after i got the bracelet i was showing it to my girlfriend and she made the comment that you could tell the keys came from different typewriters since some of them were shaped different than others--like the two "O's" for instance--in which i reminded her that they would have to be from different typewriters since no typewriter had two O keys--we laughed at this blond moment...maybe you had to be there....maybe you had to be sleep deprived...but we were cracking up.....

veklempt

i don't know if i spelled my title right or not and since it is a Yiddish word i believe-trying to find it proved interesting. It is amazing the things you find when you Google words


My oldest called me this afternoon--just a normal day i thought
I was working at the convention when i got the call....
"Mom, I am done with school"
this was not an unusual statement--
often she would call me to tell me she was home and done for the day...
but today it was different....
the meaning was different...
"I am done with High school" she said.
All of a sudden--standing among many woman i got teary eyed
VEKLEMPT--
i could barely speak.
It had hit me like a ton of bricks
memories came flooding through my mind
and i realized she had grown up
She was done--she was moving on to bigger and better things
This milestone had come and gone
a door had been shut
and there i stood looking at it with tears in my eyes....

Manchester time difference

Does my butt look smaller? Wait....you can't see it--(because after the last picture that i posted of it....I am not going there again.) I am going to say "yes it does!"--why you ask--well i worked it off today. I am tired--It is actually after 11pm here--but my Arizona clock says 8pm--still too early for me to actually fall asleep....although i need to try since the morning will come three hours earlier than i am used to also--like i will be getting up at 4am my time--I NEVER get up at 4am....i just love the time difference.

Mothers day

Mothers day...the day for all children to be perfect and honor their perfect mothers--
and somehow the rest of us horn in on this holiday. In fact for most of us, mothers day is a day where we feel inadequate, inferior and just bad at this job of mothering. But with that being said you can't have mothers day and not write something about it.

I have been blessed with a wonderful mother--she also hated/disliked mothers day. Maybe i get some of my dislike for the day from her--maybe it is a genetic thing--I remember her crying on many a mothers day, and feeling less than "perfect"--what she didn't realize at the time--we were also less than "perfect"--but she was the PERFECT mom for us. None of us is perfect--we just do the best job we can with what we have been given. She was there after school to chat and she fed us well--and we all have a love of food, different food from different countries. She taught us to be honest and not play games--was she perfect NO--but once again neither were we. She taught many a lifes lessons to us--and while dating she was always spot on in her evaluations of the guys i brought home--plus she did help in choosing my hubby for me...

Then can i spend a moment talking about my mother in law? I realize i am in the minority here in saying that i genuinely love and adore this woman. She is amazing. I know without a doubt that the man i married is a direct reflection of the job she did--with very little help from his father. He is the man before me because of her. She is soooo supportive of her grand kids and sets such a great example for them of the importance of family...

My kids love their grandmas--these pictures are just from this week

After the orchestra concert with the middle child Seeing the oldest off to another prom--my mom was there helping stitch on the zebra trim and hubbies mom was entertaining the date while he was waiting. And how can you not love the fact that the grandma's were color coordinated

The also saw the oldest son off to prom as well--but we missed the photo op with them

This boy however loves to get his picture taken--and he loves his grandma's

we went out to dinner and he had to hold both of their hands as we were walking in--he is an equal opportunity love bug

And since i am a mother i need to mention my day--yummy breakfast before church-- and a great nap after church, only to wake up and have the wonderful smells of dinner wafting down to me. And while all of this was great--i couldn't help but look down the bench at church and reflect on how my kids are growing up--how my mothering of some of them is getting less and less. How i can no longer just hug or kiss a wound away. With the exception of my youngest the rest don't snuggle with me much anymore. They are all so independent--and that is a good thing-but it is also nice to feel needed. My middle child was off to Disneyland this weekend for school and got back at 6am this morning. She was tired and asked if she had to go to church--(that was a no brain-er answer) and normally i don't like them to sleep through services--but how could i resist when she asked if she could rest her head on my shoulder--she needed me. I sat there with my arm around her--with my daughter snuggled in the crook of shoulder. It has been years since she snuggled up with me--that my friends was the highlight of my day--i was needed--even if was only for a shoulder to lean on--AHHH what a wonderful mothers day memory....

It kills you to see them grow up.

But I guess it would kill you quicker

if they didn't.

~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams