Anxiety

Oh the nerves, the nerves;

the mysteries of this machine called man!

Oh the little that unhinges it,

poor creatures that we are!

~Charles Dickens

I am not know for being a worrier. I figure life is too short to worry about things that i have no control over. It is an attitude that has worked pretty well for me. I have some friends that lose weight when they are stressed and worry--i guess if you are going to worry you should get something good out of it--but i just can't manage to get that one to work for me--thus here a sit fat and happy.

Now this is not saying i never worry--it just is not an everyday occurrence--and i try to limit it to the things i actually can control--which let's face it is not that much. Last night I found that i had no control over the butterflies in my stomach. I probably should not have looked at the wrestling brackets prior to going to sleep--it did not make for a peaceful calm night of REM sleep--instead it left knots in my stomach. I awoke early with those same knots in my stomach--thinking only of wrestling this morning and my son having to make weight--just feeling stressed over something i had absolutely NO control over. As i was thinking about this and why i was so worried i remembered that i had forgotten that i was needed to go into work this morning! ARHHHHH!!! I jumped out of bed and threw on my clothes and was out the door--and i just made it in the nick of time.

Normally i enjoy my time driving and use the time to think--but on this morning all it did was give me more time to tie my stomach in a larger knot ball of stress. Even the idea of food was not appealing--and really how often does that happen in my life? Even though it was Waffle Friday at work i found that i could not partake--my stomach was full of worry and there was no room for food. I now understand how those that have a lot to worry about lose weight. I have decided that it is not a weight loss plan i want to participate in--way to much stress for me.

The knots did finally go away--they were replaced by the loud thumping of my heart--
You know the kind of thump--the kind you feel throughout your body and rings loudly in your ears
Thump
THUMP...
THUMP...

At least my appetite was back.....

“You can't start worrying

about what's going to happen.

You get spastic enough worrying about

what is happening now.”

---
Lauren Bacall

side note for the day---my boy lost his first match and then won the second--which means he is still in it for another day--which means he gets to make weight for one more day--LUCKY??