Tuesday, February 17, 2009

random thoughts on bathrooms

In my discussion of bathrooms
--primarily those public in nature--
i will try to keep it clean and limit my "potty" talk

There is something about a bathroom that smells all "fruity" that is a bit disconcerting.
I like the fact that it is not offensive and gives the allusion that it is clean--but i am not sure i want to be thinking about food as i am using the facilities? It makes me think--
"is someone having a picnic in here?"
--watermelon smells make me think of picnics--what can i say?

With all the modern technology comes the self flushing toilets--are we really that lazy or forgetful that we can't even flush for our self? I know that I don't usually touch the handle with my hand--i use my karate kick to flush--
Karate Kid Crane Pictures, Images and Photos
(insert picture of the karate kid on one leg here and that is me)
the crane Pictures, Images and Photos
how is that for a blast from the past?
And truly can you believe that i am that nimble in a bathroom stall?
I definitely get points for style.

The idea that the automatic toilet was to do away with the obligatory flushing--and when they work (that is the key word) they do--but my experience with them is not one of complete success. More often than not when they don't work i find the target a bit harder to hit with my toe...and can we talk about the mid-flush? You know the one that leaves your bum damp--when you were not yet finished doing your business. When i was potty training my middle daughter that was about the time these technology based toilets made it on the scene. We were at the movies and my daughter told me she had to go--so off we went to be entertained in the bathroom. Her little bum perched on the toilet--holding on for dear life--and if she so much as twitched the toilet would flush--leaving her cracking up. It soon became a game.
I patiently stood waiting--"Are you done yet?? flush--followed by her little laugh, and then when she would catch her breath she would respond "NO." flush--again laughter--this went on for a long time--all the while the movie went on without me--who needs to actually see a movie when you can be entertained with the toilets at the movie theater I told myself.

Most of my bathroom experience came from having kids. I have learned not to fear public restrooms. For many years i could tell you where any and all bathrooms were located in any store. (no exaggeration here). I was a pro. It was guaranteed that as soon as i was in the farthest proximity from the given bathroom I would hear "I havta go". Off we would go traipsing to the entirely other end of the store. It would not matter that we had just visited the bathroom at the last store--(and no liquid had been consumed between the stores)she would feel the need to make a visit. We used to call her a wolf--as she was always marking her spot. I learned alot about public restrooms during those formative years.

I have learned that you are better off pretending to be handicapped than to try to do the hokey pokey in and out of small stalls. I thought it was just because i was pregnant that the stalls got smaller--but it wasn't. Some of them really are that small. I feel like a contortionist getting in and out at times--wedging yourself alongside the toilet so you can get the door open--leaving the touching of surfaces to a minimum. Although i have found that a close door is good when it doesn't stay shut. My ability to hold a door closed while using the facilities is in direct relation to the length of my arm--which in a small stall works to my benefit.

And how about airport bathrooms? Your choice is the small stall on the plane (which lets face it is the size of a dollhouse) or the one in the airport terminal which is slightly bigger only you have your bags with you. Now you are not supposed to leave your bag unattended--have you ever tried to get your bags in the stall with you? Not a task for the faint of heart--especially since some of my bags are the size of little people. I kinda like the the airplane bathrooms-everything is right there--very efficient if you think about it.Wash your hands without even moving...they are just a little to small to sit and think--not that you would want to with the smell, and the noise,plus i always feel guilty with the time i take anyway--especially if there is a line....and there always seems to be line--you know it is just a matter of time before the airlines figure out that there is money to be made in charging to use these tiny rooms. On top of the actual usage fee there will be a per sheet fee installed as well--and then only one flush will be included--more than that and you will incur an additional charge. Of course you will have the option of paying for it upfront with your ticket--or maybe the facilities will be limited to first class only--mark my words--it is coming---if they can get by with it they will.....

I have found airport bathrooms entertaining as well. In Chicago they have automated toilet covers--none of this rip and tear stuff and then hope it gets flushed. NOPE--these wind around the toilet with the push of a button. A girlfriend and i were talking about it once--she marked a line on it just to make sure it didn't wind it's way around---making you think you were getting a fresh cover when in reality it just went in a small circle. If you are ever in that airport keep an eye out for one with a line on it--it is only a matter of time

Now when it comes to sinks in bathrooms that varies greatly as well. Again the automated sinks test your patience. How long are you willing to stand there waving your hands till you get it to work. Sometimes it seems that you are just short of doing an interpretive dance move to get them to turn on. Then there are those faucets that ration the water. You know the ones where you have to hold with one hand while washing the other. Personally i have found that washing hands works better when you have two to rub together---and then there are those faucets that give you the tiniest bit of water and you stand there trying to get the soap off forever....

I love almond smelling soap.....

Not so thrilled with hand dryers--would rather have paper towels any day--except at the airport in Phoenix. They have awesome state of the art hand dryers--you insert your hands and it blows like no other. Kinda reminds me of the wind machine in car washes. It is so cool.....

I think that is enough potty talk for today---i have more that i want to delve into--but we will save that for another day.....

1 comment:

Whitney said...

I love potty talk. Especially when it is exactly what I would have said had I been focusing on the subject. I've had a lot of poop stories lately, so I'm glad someone else took a turn.